


I WILL USE YOUR RIBCAGE AS A XYLOPHONE: A Siren Song

by JackTheBard



Category: Borderlands
Genre: F/M, Meat Bicycle, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 10:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2147394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackTheBard/pseuds/JackTheBard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Krieg fell in love with Maya the first moment he met her, but his condition has prevented him from telling her how he felt. Until now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I WILL USE YOUR RIBCAGE AS A XYLOPHONE

Three Months.

Three months since Krieg had met her, three months since a beautiful woman, a siren, walked into his life and made it possible that he might be able to be a normal human being again. Well… normal in the most vague sense of the word. Maya’s appearance had started to stitch together his shattered psyche, and the old Krieg was beginning to come out more and more often.

But Hyperion’s torments still haunted him. Even as he and his comrades had watched Lilith take revenge for Roland by killing Handsome Jack, he knew that his mind was more twisted than a pretzel. Even now, as he lay on the roof of Scooter’s garage, about to doze off, he knew that he was a long way off from being okay. He had to sleep so far from the rest of the vault hunters since he had a tendency to wake up screaming in the middle of the night about meat and bicycles made of it. That, compounded with Tannis’ grinding of her teeth in her sleep had a tendency to keep everyone awake. At least Scooter’s snoring drowned out any sounds he could hear Krieg make, and Zed never slept for some reason, so he was just fine.

The next morning, Krieg woke up lucid. The urges to kill were still deep inside, but he held them at bay long enough to take out the ECHO recorder he kept hidden and type two words with a shaking finger on the touchscreen. When the impulses overwhelmed him, he let the recorder drop, and turned his head up to the sky, shouting, “I WILL EAT THE STARS AND POOP OUT THEIR GASES FOR FUEL!” A few people passing by, even though they had seen Krieg do something like this before, shrieked and ran for cover. It was going to be a long day.

Mopping up bandit clans and gnawing on a raw skag steak for lunch and dinner consumed most of Krieg’s day, even though that little voice in the back of his mind swelled with elation every time he and Maya watched each other’s backs, or even when she smiled at him again. Every time was just as electrifying as the first… Her blue-painted lips curled and parted to say “Thank you”, and Krieg wished he could just say, “My pleasure” or even a simple “You’re welcome” right back.

“THEIR RIBS SHALL BECOME MY PET BOOMERANG BABIES!”

Close enough. She still knew he held good intentions.

Another month passed and Krieg woke up able to finish the whole last few words of his letter to Maya. It was the most sane he had been since he had escaped from that Hyperion prison, and he felt a sense of elation as he tucked into his Storage Deck. Taking his axe in hand and letting it hang from his belt, he ran to the Crimson Raider Headquarters before the voices could overwhelm his consciousness again.

 

They hit him three steps before he got there.

The midmorning light made his vision grey as it spun, and he stumbled, dropping to one knee as the urges to kill and pillage and consume and murder rose in his mind. The weaker part of his psyche fought back like it had never fought before, rising up and forcing Krieg one tiny step forward. Then another. Then another. He kept marching forward until he got to the mailbox and pulled it open. A quivering hand reached for the Storage Deck on his belt, the voices swelling and trying to overrun the weaker fragment of sanity as the hand strayed near the axe.

“No…” Krieg muttered under his breath, the first word his sane side had spoken in over a week. “No. Not this time… You’re not going to do this to me…” A flick of his fingers brought the ECHO device to his hand, and he lifted it back up, readying to put it into the mailbox, taking care not to drop it or else all would be lost.

All was lost. It slipped from his fingers in a moment of brief distraction. The door to the headquarters swung open, and Krieg snapped up, all of his fragments focused on the person in the doorway.

Maya stood there, yawning and stretching, her eyes snapping wide open in full awareness as she saw the ECHO device tumble from Krieg’s fingers, and thrust a hand out. Her siren energies coursed down her tattooed arm, resulting in the ECHO being trapped in a globe of pulsing, purple energy. The sanity that was left in him let out a sigh of relief, but panicked as he realized that she saw him delivering it. The darkness washed over his mind in a wave of blood, causing him to drop down to his rump in disbelief before he grabbed the buzz axe at his side and smashed the blunt end into his forehead, screaming, “QUIET!!!”

Needless to say, Maya was quite perturbed by this, and while Krieg went to war with himself, she brought the orb to her hand, plucking the ECHO device out of it. All that was on it was a single text file labeled “For Maya”. Her brow wrinkled in confusion, and she opened it, beginning to read.

_“Maya,_

_I know that this comes as a surprise to you, that I’m able to write, read, or even have a lucid thought instead of screaming something about blood or gore or meat, but I need to tell you something really important. This letter is being written by a very small part of me that wants to be a normal person once again. Not the side that screamed “Poop Train” at you when we first met, but rather the little voice inside that convinced the rest of me to save you from the rats._

_You have made me feel human again._

_Your simple kindnesses, the gentle smiles and words of thanks, actually watching my back instead of shooting it when I charge into battle in a blood rage, they have all contributed to me hopefully being able to become normal, more or less. I cannot count the times I have wanted to tell you this, or how many days I spent just trying to build up enough willpower to write down two or three words at a time. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you, Maya. And I will pull myself together to fight any number of rats, or bandits, or Hyperion robots just to see your smile every day of my life. You have started to heal me, and I hope that I can have a normal conversation with you someday._

_Thank you,  
Krieg”_

Maya’s face formed an expression of shock the more and more she read, a blush beginning to dust her cheeks as she hit the final paragraph. Once finished, she looked up and saw Krieg still smacking himself in the head, grumbling at himself angrily as he tried to silence the little voices, and she asked quietly, “Krieg?”

His gaze snapped up and his eyes narrowed at her before widening in a moment of clarity. He pointed at himself as his brow wrinkled in confusion under his gas mask. Maya knelt down in front of him, taking his face in her hands gently, saying, “I want to talk with you someday too, Krieg. Even if it’s not today, or tomorrow, or next week or next month, I want to hear what you are really like. Thank you for being so kind.”

Krieg nodded slowly, the lucid part of his mind in full control for the moment as he felt her fingers brush his skin for a moment. Strange how something so rough and callused could still be so delicate…

Maya leaned in, her blue lips pressing a soft kiss to the part of Krieg’s mask that hid his mouth before rising, and the little voice inside felt at peace. For now. She made her way back to the door of HQ, looking over her shoulder to say, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

Krieg nodded, and for once, his response was spot on.


	2. MY PET COCKATIEL HAS OFFERED ITS THIGHS AS PENANCE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A date between Krieg and Maya to the only place of reasonable class in Sanctuary.

Welp. Stage one was a success.

Krieg always thought it odd that his inner voice was viewing his interactions with Maya in terms of stages. Both sides of him did, in fact, despite the fact that his sanity was the one coming up with it. He had to stay organized somehow.  
“Stage One: Write love letter”  
“Stage Two: Hang out with her while not being shot at by bandits/Hyperion robots”  
“Stage Three: Return to normal”

It was a start.

Nevertheless, he found his voice in almost total control more often than not, now. He would wave at someone without an axe in hand, and even smile at them as if to reassure him that he wasn’t like all the other cannibalistic psychopaths out in the wastes of Pandora. Well, he wasn’t. But more than one citizen of Sanctuary had seen him dragging bandit corpses back to town, and only assumed that, because he was a goddamn PSYCHO, that he was going to roast them over an open fire, apply salt liberally, and eat them. Of course, he couldn’t maintain sanity long enough to explain that he was simply collecting a bounty or five. 

But the thought of Maya kept him going through the day. He felt his thoughts drifting off to her every now and then, his lips curling into a smile underneath his gas mask. Of course, the citizens of the city in the sky couldn’t see his joviality, but it was certainly better than nothing. People can feel smiles even if they can’t see them, you know?

As per usual, his days were consumed by clearing out the last of Hyperion’s forces, eliminating bandits from the wastelands, and trying to focus long enough to not get his brains blown out unintentionally. But he wanted something… more. A deviation from the norm. As such, he began writing a new letter to Maya, one that was much shorter, and much easier to write.

_“Maya,_  
It would mean a great deal to me if we could spend time together outside of our travels. Perhaps to meet in Moxxi’s bar for a bite or a drink?  
Krieg” 

Granted, Moxxi’s wasn’t the classiest of joints, but it was the closest thing to a fine-dining establishment that Pandora had outside of what remained of Opportunity. Most Pandorans couldn’t believe that people were still showing up to that ruin of a city in hopes of settling, even after all that the Vault Hunters had done to destroy it. That, Handsome Jack’s death and Hyperion’s stock prices plummeting really didn’t do anything to help the city’s case.

Krieg had to actually dress up, and stay dressed, something that he was going to have quite a rough time doing, since he had spent the majority of his time on Pandora running around shirtless, sometimes pantless, and other times completely in the nude. Nevertheless, he decided to put on a pair of crisp, fresh black trousers and a grey button-down shirt. He took off his gas mask as well, and stared into the mirror, which allowed his sanity to maintain control.

His right eye was practically sliced in half, where a PWR loader had cut him during his escape from the lab they were keeping him in, and he was bald as a result of the experimentation. His eyes stared out from the mirror, one dark a blue as midnight, the other cleft down the middle and a milky white where the iris remained, his whole being in control of his sanity, though he got the feeling he wouldn’t be able to maintain that state of mind for long.

“IT’S GOING TO BE A MAJOR SPINE TINGLER!”

Case in point. Nevertheless, both sides were in agreement in this matter.

Krieg sat at the bar, waiting for Maya to arrive. This was the best he had been dressed up in a while, and while the psycho side of him still controlled his mouth, the sane part of him was managing to keep the shirt on. Krieg supposed it was also fortunate that he had left his buzz-axe at home. Moxxi knew he was waiting on someone, just from the way he was holding himself and judging by the way he looked around, so she abstained from taking his order for the time being. As Krieg looked over at the doorway by the slot machines, he felt his heart stop in his chest, jaw dropping and his remaining eye going wide. Thank goodness he put on an eyepatch.

She was radiant. Maya strode into Moxxi’s dressed in an outfit that would have been better suited for the guest of honor at a Maliwan masquerade than the seedy bar they stood in, and Krieg realized he was vastly underdressed in comparison. He stood, some semblance of manners taking over at the sight of her glorious beauty, and he bowed his head respectfully. Her laugh was light, airy, and accompanied by that blue-lipsticked smile that had first stolen his heart. “I can see that you clean up quite nice,” she said, stepping forward and moving her gloved right hand up to stroke his cheek. “I think I like you better with the mask off.”

Krieg fought for the words to compliment her, to fully explain that she looked so beautiful that he felt almost normal for a moment, that he wished that there was someplace better to get a drink than Moxxi’s, a place where he would be able to dance with her… insanity nonwithstanding.

“PRETTY LADIES ARE LIKE MY BABY STEAKS: RARE…”

As always, it would have to be close enough, though Krieg wished he had been at least a little quieter about it. The patrons, and Moxxi, were looking at him a little strangely now. Maya just chuckled under her breath, “I’m taking that to mean you like the dress?”

Krieg only nodded, but it was more than enough to convey all the emotion he was feeling at the moment. “Thanks,” she responded with an awkward smile. “The Order always made me wear stuff like this when I was back on Athenas. Had to ‘look stately for the masses’, they said.” She rolls her eyes and takes a seat at the bar, ordering two drinks for them. However, when she reached into her SDU to pay for them, Krieg’s massive hand slammed on the bar with a wad of bills crumpled up in it.

He only responded to Maya and Moxxi’s confusion with “THE MEAT PUPPET ALWAYS COVERS THE FIRST SERVING OF BLOOD.” Not surprisingly, the wad of bills were stuck together with dried blood, a fact that Moxxi simply ignored. Probably wasn’t the first time she had been given money stained with bodily fluids. Maya caught onto his meaning, finding that she was able to understand the general gist of what he was saying more and more often. It was probably a combination of the fact that they were spending more time together and that Krieg was getting more and more in control as time went on.

Moxxi brought each of them a beer, the scent of alcohol practically wafting from the open bottle. Krieg’s inner voice considered the idea that it was way too strong to be considered beer, but his insanity raised the bottle when Maya picked hers up and said “MEAT.” Maya chuckled and responded with, “Cheers to you too,” before they clinked the beverages together and started drinking.

One bottle of that Lager that somehow managed to be more than 100% alcohol turned into two, then three. Enough to get them into the next wake for Lucky Zaford and still think that there would still be some people there to celebrate it. Maya turned out to be a rather giggly drunk, and talked a bit between her bouts of laughter, “Y’know? When I was back on Athenas… hee heehee… They kept me away from this stuff. Kept me away from booze.” She sits up and assumes the most overexaggerated male voice she could possibly muster, “The Siren must not partake in human pleasures since she is more than human. She is a goddess and the populace must view her as such,” shifting back to her normal tone, she waved her hand noncommittally, “Blah blah blah. Same old jibber jabber about how I couldn’t be a normal girl because I was covered in blue tattoos and they gave me crazy as balls powers.” 

Maya looked down at her left bicep, the part of her arm that wasn’t covered by shimmering blue cloth from either glove or dress, “What do you think, Krieg? Do you think that the tattoos give me powers, or that the tattoos are a side effect?”

Krieg simply shrugged and responded, “QUESTIONS WITHOUT ANSWERS ARE THE TASTIEST KIND.” It was odd how the more he drank, the more he was able to offer reasonable answers, though they were still at an unreasonable volume.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Maya responded. Krieg also found it strange that she was able to understand him now, despite her drunkenness. “Don’t want to go digging where I shouldn’t…”

As they sat there in a moment of calm silence, the music changed. It was an old tune, slow and sweet, fitting for a night like this where people could actually see the moon through the haze of pollution that hovered over Pandora. Krieg looked over at Moxxi and she smiled, winking and tapping the side of her nose in a knowing gesture. She wanted them to dance.

Krieg swallowed and looked over at Maya, pausing before saying, “TWO-STEP RUG CLEAVING WITH US?”

Maya sat up straight in shock, glancing over at Krieg with wide eyes and pointed at herself in disbelief, “You… want to dance with me? Even when I’m as sloppy as I am?”

“SLOPPY MAKES FOR MORE JOY WHEN RUG CLEAVING LIKE HAT LADY HAS NOT SEEN.”

Down the bar, Moxxi snickered. “Hat Lady” was one that she had not gotten before since people were generally focused on her more… ample assets.

Maya responded to Krieg’s reasoning with a smile and offered her hand. Krieg took it gingerly, marveling for a moment at how large and indelicate seemed in comparison to her gentle calloused hands. He tried to remember how to hold her, and was thankful that Maya guided his hands so one was gently holding hers and the other was resting on her waist, just above the swell of her hip. She glanced up at him, and Krieg felt nothing but awe at how beautiful she was as they began to move slowly.

It was slightly off beat with the music, but it couldn’t have been more perfect. Her fingers curled in the palm of his hand and on his shoulder, almost drawing him in closer, and the whole bar seemed to stop dead at the sight of the two of them. Silence save for the slow tune reigned for the best two minutes of Krieg’s life, and he was at peace. Only one voice spoke in his mind, and it was patient enough to wait until the end of the song to speak only two words at reasonable volume.

When the couple had stopped moving, all he said was, “Thank you.”

A single tear escaped Krieg’s eye, flowing down his cheek to be stopped by Maya’s hand as it cupped his face. “Thank you, Krieg… This was… well, perfect.”

It only took a moment to speak this time, and he finally said to her, “I’d like… to walk… you home.” His speech was halting and broken, a bit raspy since he had been screaming the majority of his phrases for the past who the hell knows how long.

Maya nodded, “I’d like that very much.” She was smiling. She was smiling and it shone like the Pandoran sun on the hottest day of summer. He took her gloved hand, fingers lacing between hers, and left another bloody wad of bills on the bar as a tip for Moxxi, and began the slow walk back to the Crimson Raider HQ.

It was a walk that could have taken only thirty seconds, but they walked together for five minutes, wandering about the town square of Sanctuary, past the bounty boards and shops and homes. It was a good silence, and the cool, dry breeze was gentle. Eventually, they got back to the HQ, and stopped just before the steps. Maya took Krieg’s other hand so she was holding them both and gave them a reassuring squeeze. “Thank you for a great night, Krieg. Maybe we can do this again soon.”

Krieg took a deep breath and nodded, “Good. Night.” He leaned in and placed his cracked, dry lips on her cheek, a gentle kiss, the most tender thing he had done since the experiments, and pulled away, giving her hands one final squeeze before starting to walk away.

He made it about three steps before she took his hand and turned him to face her again. Just then, the moon came out and shone down on the city of Sanctuary, the blemish of the Hyperion battle station barely visible from afar. Her hair caught the light and shone with a brilliance unlike any other, and in that moment, he knew why the people of Athenas called her a goddess. She was.

Maya gingerly took Krieg’s face in her hands as she had the other night, and leaned in, pressing her lips to his gently, holding it there for a moment. In those few, fateful seconds, Krieg was at peace. Everything faded away and he returned the kiss, not knowing and not caring how long they were there.

Eventually, Maya pulled away, her lipstick a little bit smeared, a shy smile playing on her lips as she said, “Goodnight Kreig,” and went inside. Krieg stood there for a moment, dumbfounded, as the interior of the Crimson Raider HQ erupted with activity, presumably people asking Maya about what happened. Soon, he walked away, headed back to his setup on the roof of Scooter’s Garage.

Krieg was happy.


End file.
